I don't celebrate a birthday every year like you do. In fact, I was never actually born. So I'm not going to die, either. Jealous? Yeah, right. Believe me, I've got nothing for you to be jealous of. I somehow came to be; It's far more complicated than how you came to be, let me tell you. For instance, I know that I was definitely created, although oddly enough, I'm not a creationist. I don't know where I was made, but I'm pretty sure that there were lots of me made at the time. I don't know what happened to the other toy monkeys, but the kid that I ended up with(Ross) is now thirty. We've been "together" since he was five.
Ross was born in 1980. I've existed materially for quite some time longer than he has, but I've only been aware of my existence since he's owned me. I was the cape-wearing protagonist of all the little stories he wrote in junior primary. Ross seemed to be so obsessed with giving me a personality of my own that I just ended up with one. It's weird, but neither of us know any more than that.
I'm happy enough to be around. Ross is alright, we live together, he's a mate, I'm a mate and the rest. He's a bit childish, not just because he's still friends with a childhood soft toy. My role in his existence? I'm his arrested development personified, and somewhere in that labyrinth known as his brain, lies the Bog of Cerebral Stench. I'm Sir Didymus, the fox-like resident guard who is not only happy living there, but thinks that the air smells "sweet...and fragrant." You wouldn't understand and why would you? You don't live in a bog. It's in this place where Ross cultivates all of his fecal ideas and jokes. But he's a cautious man. He's not going to take a crap, invite you around and then show it to you. So he gets me to take a crap, invite you around and then show it to you. Ross is my creator, I'm his janitor. That's a fair deal, isn't it? Just say yes, I don't need your advice. Being merely a materialized figment of his imagination, I don't really know any better. What? Give me one reason to complain! Yes I'm trapped, but I like it that way. I like it because he does.
