Hey there, readers...if you're even checking this site anymore. You're missing some gold if you're not.
I'm playing a gig tonight at Craphole. You should come and watch. Craphole is on Gouger St, Adelaide...you know that wine bar...is it still a wine bar?...you know that place across from the Mars Bar that was an average Italian restaurant about ten years ago and then was(and possibly still is) a wine bar? And how upstairs has been(and probably still is) a nightclub? Okay. So, just outside that wine bar/upstairs nightclub is a drain. It's one of those square ones that's just off the sidewalk and just on the road. With the metal bars, yes? Okay. By the way, I'm aware that this sounds like a total head-fuck, but once you're on Gouger street and you see either the Mars Bar or that wine bar place, it'll make total sense.
So.
Lift up the metal grill thing that sits over the drain and climb in. You'll see the ladder, they have candles in there by that stage anyway. Climb down into Craphole and enjoy $2 Coronas all night. Yes, fucking $2 Coronas. Puppet-club owners are in the know with getting cheap booze, dear reader. Some of it's not even cheap, but just plain stolen, but that's okay. We're low-life shitheads. Ethical conduct, what the fuck's that?
The club owner is Dobey. That's all he's ever known as. Dobey. He's a scary little nutcase. He's alright with you if you stay on his right side. I didn't know which was his right side when I first met him, but the side that I chose obviously wasn't the wrong side because he didn't punch me in the face or anything, so that was pretty lucky. Still, even if you do screw up when you first meet him and get on his wrong side, all you get is a punch and then he's cool with you. Everyone just thinks that he does it once to some people just to let them know that he's serious. As far as I'm aware, everyone that has been punched in the face by Dobey has never bothered to ask him what he is serious about. They just assume that it's a "general seriousness."
Craphole goes crazy every night. Live bands. DJs. Few people know about it's existence. But now you do, you know what you're doing tonight. Climbing down into Craphole, underneath Gouger St. A shit of a location, but the best live venue in town. You might even get laid.
So up above is the cover for my band's first album. We're launching it and giving it away for FREE if you come along to Craphole tonight, so do come along. It's called Trench. So there's a picture of some trench warfare. We're pretty hardcore. We've been playing together for about four months now. We're called The Fuck Sticks but we didn't bother putting the "The" at the beginning for the album cover, as you can see. It looks cooler without it, don't you think? Well...you haven't seen it with the "The" at the beginning, so you can't really say for sure, but I think you should trust me on this one. Smashing Pumpkins were funny about their use of the "The" on their album covers. Their first two studio albums, they were Smashing Pumpkins. From their third album onwards, they added the "The" to their name. Perhaps, they were doing what we, The Fuck Sticks have been doing. We refer to ourselves with the "The" to the press, on gig posters, stuff like that. But for our album covers, people know who we are. If you went in to Big Star Records and said, "Hi, have you got The Fuck Sticks' new album?" they would just as likely know what you're talking about if you were to say, "Hi, have you got Fuck Sticks' new album?" That's when Smashing Pumpkins went downhill. It is my belief about The Smashing Pumpkins(see how confusing it is, Billy? I have no idea what to call you!)that the fact that their first bad album(Mellon Collie & The Infinite Blubfest) was the first album where they added the "The" to the beginning of their name, and that every album they released thereafter was not only unlistenable but also featured the "The", is not just a coincidence.
Anyway, before I go, I was just gonna say that I was gonna put tracks from our album up here on my blog, but the album doesn't actually have any tracks. It's just a blank CD. But you can burn stuff on to the CD if you take one home from our album launch gig that you're going to tonight. You fucking better be there.
